The Problem: Hostile Work Environments and the People Who Make Them That Way

When we started to develop A Better Paradigm, we noticed few people were aware of the compassionate/kind/positive workplace movement or the resources to help them evolve their workplace cultures while increasing productivity and profitability.

But, we found many people talking about the problems that prompted the movement: hostile work environments.

We tend to think of hostile work environments as those with overt aggression and even physical violence. But, in reality, whether you call them hostile, toxic, or some other variation, these negative workplaces are being challenged. Increasingly people–especially younger people–are demanding 360० respect. They expect a respectful workplace for everyone, regardless of title, seniority, or other factors.

No longer primarily motivated by money and promotions, younger employees want their work to blend into their lives. While millennials tend to want meaningful work, Gen Z tends to prioritize happiness through purpose. Even older workers, fueled by their remote working experiences born of the COVID crisis, want more control over their lives and positivity from their workplace.

All of this should be a wakeup call for leaders, managers, and coworkers who have been able to skirt by with bad behaviors. Increasingly, emotional toxicity in the workplace is no longer excused or accepted. And so we have the push for positive work cultures. And you now have a growing resource for improving yours: ABetterParadigm.com. From my perspective, this business metamorphosis cannot happen fast enough.

Examples of Hostile Workplace Cultures

I’ve had far more positive experiences in the workplace than negative ones, but I’ve experienced some truly toxic work cultures too. And often, it’s “one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch” syndrome. One toxic boss or colleague can take down the vibe for an entire department or even a whole company. Here are a few examples from my own experiences (believe me, there are more):

• Salacious sales manager intimating a “personal” relationship with him would advance my career. Ugh.

• I was a passenger in the car my boss, a partner in the firm, was driving. He exploded at me, out of the blue, for asking a follow-up question.

• My new boss chased me down a hallway, body blocked me from moving, and proceeded to yell in my face. (BTW, I was pregnant at the time.) All because she wanted briefings with me ahead of meetings with other executives.

• Attempted undermining by a colleague who spread rumors about me when I was hired from the outside for a role she had wanted.

• As the leader, learning one of my key executives was antagonizing her direct reports. This is a great example of how the boss (in this case me) doesn’t know everything and needs to be looped in (as my team did) to eliminate a problem.

• Not me but a friend at the time: a client slapped him–hard–because she didn’t like the counsel his firm provided! And she didn’t lose her job!

• Client verbally harassed one of my employees. I found out because I saw her crying at her desk. She didn’t tell me because she thought it was her job to appease the client and tolerate his abuse.

Colleagues, bosses, clients/customers, direct reports. There’s no limit to who can create a hostile work environment. And, there’s no limit to who can fix it. We’re all empowered to make the changes that are needed. Two ingredients are required: trust and communication.

Helping to Rebuild Negative Workplace Cultures

I wasn’t always the leader I am today. Those toxic work situations, along with others, helped shape me. Here are the fixes made in each situation mentioned earlier. Please note, in each case I played a different role:

• Salacious sales manager: He told me I reminded him of his wife when she was younger. I said he reminded me of my dad.… (Lesson Learned: Set clear boundaries and communicate directly.)

• I was a passenger in the car: I discreetly asked around and found out others were experiencing similar outbursts from him. Several of us met with the other partners. He was terminated shortly thereafter. (Lesson Learned: Determine who you can trust, gather info, move quickly.)

• Chased down a hallway: I knew I was resigning in 2 months and I knew upper management was blind to her behaviors, which were being experienced by others. In my exit interview, I reported the experiences I had with her to help ensure the next time someone reported it, it wouldn’t be the first time they were hearing about it. I learned a year later she was terminated for doing the same thing to another employee, but this time her boss witnessed it. (Lesson Learned: Like when the partner was verbally abusing people, it is very rare there is only one victim. Gather info and evidence and report through the appropriate channels.)

• Attempted undermining by a colleague: I worked hard to get to know her and the others. I learned of their frustrations with the company, especially related to promotions. I mentored them and brainstormed strategies, championed each of them, and experienced several rapid promotions. Boom! (Lesson Learned: Rather than be defensive, I sought to understand what was driving their behaviors and looked for the pathways to mutual wins.)

• Learning one of my key executives was antagonizing her subordinates: This was one of my most painful learning experiences as a leader because I took too long to orchestrate the changes required. I lost several good employees along the way before I terminated the bad seed. (Lesson Learned: I realized the importance of moving fast when there is a problem, no matter how complex it seems.)

• The slap: He left the company shortly thereafter because he couldn’t tolerate the lack of support. They put the dollars first, kept the client. (Lesson Learned: If they won’t fix it and you can’t fix it, leaving may be your best option.)

• Client verbally harassed one of my employees: Oh hell no! We had 2 months to go on the contract. I assured her I was 100% with her; I talked with the client to no avail. When the contract was expiring, he started dictating terms, I told him we had honored the contract and were not renewing. (Lesson Learned: Check in with your team even when you think all is well, build trust, express appreciation, and follow through.)

If you’re experiencing the misery of a hostile work environment, ask yourself if you can play a role in turning things around. If the answer is yes, collect your allies, develop a game plan. Leverage the expertise of coaches/consultants, training programs, conferences, books, podcasts, and more to help you positively revamp your organization.

A Better Paradigm will keep growing our directory of resources for increasing trust and optimizing communications in your organization. It’s all designed to help you build and sustain a healthy, thriving business.